Keep it FUNKY

I went to see a Bouldering competition yesterday. It is not like a dance battle (meaning "dance competition") where a subjective opinion has a huge influence in the judgment. The game of Bouldering is clear and simple. If you are skilled enough, you can get to the goal. Otherwise, you will simply fall. . . Not much sophistication in this. Even a kid can do the judge. Each course designed for this competition looked incredibly difficult, especially the last one that no participants could get halfway done for, , , until the turn came to this guy, one of the best in Japan. . . He did the impossible. . . The audience including me was screaming in excitement!!!

After the competition was over, I gave a try to several courses for the competition. But heeell no. I could not even make a starting position!! Also looking at the courses closely, I just could not see how they stayed against gravity! I really respect these athletes, and am sure many of the audience felt the same. I was inspired to practice and improve my skill. But unfortunately, I do not have the ambition to even dream of challenging them someday (Being so down to earth may be a sign of aging, huh?). But the event reminded me of the importance of *participation*.

I remember my first time to compete in dancing (called a *dance battle*) where I feared of being watched. I just could not handle my stage freight, and ended up making many mistakes. Oh yeah. I felt STUPID!! "What is really the point of embarrassing myself like this!!?" I wanted to leave home right away after I lost the battle. But then I noticed this one dancer doing the battle after me. Her timing was off beat at times. Her movement was stiff. Her foundation was weak. . . I could tell she was a newbie. It was obvious. She lost the battle. . . But she looked *CONFIDENT* in her dance. I posed, "Hm. . . Do I *have to* look cool when watched??", "Do I have to be an amazing dancer before competing?"

My answer was "Not really. . ."

I stayed in the place, and sat beside her and had a short conversation. She said, "I didn't mean to win the battle. I just wanted to *enjoy it*! That's all." During the free session, we all made circles, took turns, and showed moves. I noticed some approached to her and gave her some tips. It was as though everyone had wanted to help her after watching her dance in the battle. After getting some advices, she humbly thanked them. . . She may lost the battle. But she won so much, didn't she?? That day, I admired her more than the one who took the 1st place. She taught me that being self-conscious kills the potential.

It is ok to fail in front of people. As long as I can stay humble and be ready to take criticism, I should participate. I believe this would be a significant impact in my improvement, right? So, I will particpate in whatever competition soon in Bouldering. I am looking forward to FALLING in front of crowds (smile).

 

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It's been a long time since my last blog entry. My life wan't very moving these days, and so I wasn't motivated to write for the past half a year. But the time came today. Well, it is mostly about my whining, however. For readers, this could be the most boring article. But whatever. . .

My job role is mainly the pipe between various members from the Japanese customer and my Indian colleagues.

Interaction with Indian colleagues:
Whatever I ask, their responses are almost always late (if not never!!). I mean. . . who do they think is the one apologizing to the customer or getting scolds. . ? On the other hand, whatever they ask me, it is always urgent! They almost always leave it till the last minute. It is very common that multiple colleagues ask me for immediate answers. . . If I complain, they tell me to prioritize my work to cope with this situation. (Duhh. . .) I was often about to scream out loud and say, "this isn't f***in' fair!!" But I am learning. . . I gradually understand how to follow up with these people. First of all, no one really keeps track of what they were asked. In other words, I have to manage each person on their behalf. Oh yes, I am getting notorious among Indian co-workers because my pushes are quite firm and frequent.

But then last week, I had meetings for three consecutive days. But I could not be well-prepared because of my daily workloads. (. . well, just swallow my excuse, OK?). After the last meeting ended, I was told by my senior managers, who flew from India for this occasion, "You did not have the full grasp of the agenda and could not lead the meeting. I am very disappointed with you. . ." I said, "Sorry that I couldn't be prepared". At that time, I thought no matter how much I try, my efforts would never ever be appreciated. Looking at the emails piled up during the three days, I seriously wondered what is really the point of doing my best.

Interaction with the Japanese customer:
They generally don't make decisions themselves. Why? It is because the Japanese are all about avoiding blames. Their focus is on it so much that they can no longer talk reasonable (even though they stay logical with existing regulations, rules or specs). For instance, I was asking queries regarding the customer's technical drawings. They responded to me, "How can you do with it so as to assure the quality of your own products?". But for other cases, they tell us to *strictly* follow their drawings. Where should we draw the line!!? Do you see what's going on? If something goes wrong, the blame would be on either our decision or the drawing, NOT that individual or the department the person belongs to. Oh yeah, they also love to leave things in a gray zone.

Although they avoid committing, they like to force us to make commitments to things which can be utterly impossible. For example, when we need four months leadtime, they still ask us to make our plan for one and a half month leadtime. If we say we are unable, they ask us to provide reasons. But if we provide them, they will start negotiate each reason in order to adjust our best plan even further. The push is just harsh. . . But once we make such a commitment, the penalty of failure is on us (obviously). They never stop squeezing our necks.

They also tend to make me feel miserable (either on purpose or not). They tell me how irresponsible, how unreliable, how unprofessional, how and how Indians are. I understand that the customer is not happy about our performance. But is it necessary to point out even a tiny mistake as though it was critical, and tell me, "this is India. . ."?? Taking this sort of criticism multiple times really scrapes my belief in my company.

I always believed that if I lost good relationship, I would not be able to carry out a logical discussion with the customer. But saying "Yes" and "Yes" does not resolve anything. In fact, obedience should not be the way of maintaining good relationship, is it? Unfortunately, I admit that Indian company does not perform well. I know that once I start talking against them, they would immediately shut me up by picking on every weakness of my company. But I've had enough of this. Don't get me wrong, though. I don't intend to break the relationship or anything. I think I should fight back wherever I find unfair. Right?

 

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It has been a puzzling period for the past a few weeks. I was basically confused about how I should face my days (the career, the people, the hobbies, the dreams, the future, etc). My mentality was mixed with worry, greed, insecurity, attachment, disappointment, etc. But recently, the groggy feeling got somewhat cleared. Perhaps, my perspective needs to be periodically updated (rather than refreshed). Yes, with the new view of a life, I think I am about to start a new lifestyle soon.

THE JOB:
It has been giving me a headache. I receive the customer's complaints on a daily basis. My workload just continues to snowball. . . I was really losing my motivation. But this negative thought started to fade away when I realized the number of people who trust me and awaits for my instructions. Everyone including senior managers listen to my opinions and very corporative with my judgment. Sure, the customer complains about how the projects have been going (disastrous!!). But they still thank me for my support. I never felt this needed and respected.

Perhaps, I wasn't very aware how much I've learned already. I can go right into discussion logically on almost any cases. I learned the cultures of the customer in Japan as well as my teams in India. I am definitely better at negotiating with the customer and coordinating with colleagues in India. All these experience obviously has polished my judgment (In my job, I always have to come up with the best solution myself). I am very fortunate to be surrounded by good people. I am very fortunate to have the opportunity to challenge my skills. Overcoming this mess may define my confidence more solidly, I think. . .

LIFE WITH HUMOR:
When I become serious, my mind is usually filled with insecurity. In such mentality, I am very clumsy at communicating with others. On the other hand, when I can behave silly, my mentality is quite healthy (flexible and creative). Recently, I re-assured the importance of humor. I need to stabilize my silly side at all time. If I become serious, I'd rather be *silly-serious*, NOT *serious-serious*!! (I mean I should talk humorously about even serious topics) No matter how difficult the life gets, I should keep looking for humor. It is apparent that I cannot avoid difficulties since I always ask for challenges in my life. But if I let myself become serious, I lose the whole purpose of a life, that is, enjoying my moments.


Well, I am not finished yet. But I am sleepy. So, good night.

 

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It's been a while since I had this lazy day last time. Well, it's quite nice. . . I was completely relaxed after taking a long nap (that I usually avoid). Sitting in my room, I stepped back and observed the lifestyle of mine. . . "hmm, what do I see? Guitar, music books, Chinese textbook, 5 shoes, 3 hats, some clothes. . . I really don't have much with me." Over the years, I tried to resolve the clutter (I used to have a lot of stuff) and established a simple lifestyle. This is the result. One time, I and a few share mates showed our rooms to each other. When they saw mine, they said "Your room looks like a hospital room!" "There is no sign of a life!" Yes, my room is pitch-white without any decoration whatsoever (smile). But to me, I feel so open here. It allows me to empty my head. There are always reasons when I change myself (not only the lifestyle but also the perspective, the habits, the attitude, the speech, the activities, etc). It also takes time so that such changes really become part of me. Hm, my personal development seems to head towards simplicity all the time.

( . . . )

(Yep, I am still sitting relaxed on my bed. It is slowly getting dark outside)

( . . . )

"Where the hell am I going now (obviously in life). . . ?"

This place is awesome as I get to talk to people with completely different experiences in career, interests, living, etc. But all of us will eventually leave this place when the time comes. A few people have already left. Two will leave at the end of this month. New tenants will then move in. It is like an intersection of many roads. Each of us came from a different route, and now we are hanging out at this intersection. But we all have to choose a path someday. . .

It is a great time right now. Probably the best so far. But I always find the current situation better than before. So, I hope for the better next time again!

Aight, it's time to go and cook!

See you next time!

 

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I was watching how my teacher improvised over the harmony progression of "Fly me to the moon". It was a completely new, but a beautiful melody (not just up/down of scales). I was amazed how such a stylish melody was played through improvisation. This is just like watching how P-lock dances. One time, I seriously wondered if he was really improvising because his dance movement seemed too intertwined with the music to be improvised. But soon I concluded that it was because of his enormous knowledge in funk music. Improvisation does not come from emptiness. You must have loads of knowledge and experience to do it right.

I was discussing about the meaning of planning in my last blog. If I'm not sure about what I am doing (indecisive, confused, worried, etc), I probably need planning (that is, in my opinion, *guessing*). But if I'm clearly aware of where I am, planning is pointless because going by my spontaneous judgment (improvisation) would give a better answer. In analogy, playing a piece by music sheet is like acting according to a plan. But in reality, my feeling at each moment can be different and, therefore, does not necessarily well-match with the composed music pieces.

Life is full of improvisation and requires spontaneous judgment. For example, while talking to people, how you talk, what topic to bring in, when to end the conversation, etc are usually determined by your (unconscious??) observation of the 2nd person as well as your own feelings. If you fall into a trap of planning, you lose flexibility (hence, the conversation may go awkward). The similar idea applies to my 2nd last blog, "the Balance", in which I talked about the balance between my social time and my self-development time. Such a balance is never ever fixed as it is entirely dependent on my emotional conditions. In other words, it is pretty much pointless to *pre-think* about it.

My discussion on the balance is now shifted to other approaches such as the followings:
1. Present-oriented Awareness: how I should get the habit of staying aware of where I am at each moment
2. Directing my Motivation: how I should attack my To-Dos (just a list, not a plan) so that I can direct my motivation properly

By the way, today's blog might be too confusing for readers to follow. I wonder if anyone understand this...

 

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